In a word, the difference is, well, a word. A safe word, to be exact. In my fantasies, there's nothing I can do to stop a given situation. The torture, the captivity, and the pain are all very real, and I'm entirely powerless. In my real-life play, though, I always have a safe word. Mine is a simple "red," if you're curious. I can count the number of times I've safeworded on one hand, but in every scene, no matter how intense, I always know that I can use it. It's always in the back of my mind, often on the tip of my tongue.
Does it make it a little less hot for me? Perhaps. But there are plenty of delicious ways to play with boundaries within the parameters of a consensual scene. The safe word is just as much for my protection as for my dominant's, and my sadist, to whom I'm collared, tells me he could never play without one, and without the knowledge that a submissive is fully comfortable using it. It's nice to fantasize about a world in which I surrender completely, but in reality, it's comforting to know that my top would stop at any moment if I said the (safe) word.
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