I'm in Trouble

Again.

It seems I'm in trouble more often than not, though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. I'm snarkier than I have any right to be. The odd thing is, I know exactly what mouthing off will get me, and it isn't the fun kind of punishment. No, it's the kind that ends with tears and a purple ass and a bite mark that could have been inflicted by a tiny shark. And yet... still I misbehave.

These were pretty much made for me.

So, what am I doing to get myself out of trouble? Everything I can. It's tricky right now, since he's out of town. My usual get-out-of-trouble-free card is a threesome. Pro tip: show up at your dom's door with a surprise extra woman, and you'll likely be forgiven for whatever dumb things you said the other day.*

But long-distance, I've had to get a little more creative. I sent him a few dirty pictures, but for us that's nothing out of the ordinary. I made a blog specifically for him, to curate images of scenes I hope to try with him someday. And, of course, images that I know will make him hard. I'm even thinking of showing him my latest story, which is (of course) about him. I never reveal my unedited, unfinished works to him, so this would be out of my comfort zone. Hell, I even suggested a suitable punishment, and not a fun-ishment. One that actually makes me as nervous as it makes me wet.

Any other ideas?

*Note: This is assuming you have an open relationship, and/or have negotiated threesomes in the past. I have specifically asked my dominant if surprise threesomes are okay, and he happily agreed. Also, he is casually dating/sleeping with the woman in question, so it wasn't completely out of the blue.

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Absolutely. I've been known to write an erotic story or two (ahem), simply because putting words to my dirty thoughts makes me happy. I'll write a story for my dominant, and he gets to peek into what makes me wet, what makes me tick. Once, he even made me write a story as a punishment (don't ask).

I also love to sing, and I've written a few kink-centric songs over the years. Does that count? Let's just say that counts. Maybe I'll get up the courage to post them here someday.

Kink is such an essential part of me that it would be well near impossible to keep it from bleeding into my other interests, and vice-versa.

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Listed in order of personal importance to me:

1. Honesty. Without trust, a relationship is nothing. I want my partner to feel comfortable telling me absolutely anything. If I look fat in these jeans, I want to know about it. If I said something hurtful, or annoying, or uncomfortable, I want to know about that, too. And I need to know that every word that comes out of my partner's mouth is true.

2. Kindness. Basic human kindness sometimes feels like a lost art. Being a good person, in the most basic sense of the word, is one of the most important things we can do. I don't think I could ever be with someone who wasn't kind, at their core.

3. Intelligence. I need someone who can keep up an intelligent conversation with me, and challenge my ideas. I want an intellectual sparring partner just as must as I want someone who can wrestle me down in the bedroom.

What do you find important in a partner?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Yes and no. I'm still a singer/songwriter. I still love books more than I can say, and feel more at home in a cafe than in a club.

But I've discovered that there's a whole world of kinky folks who gather together at munches and events, and that has definitely influenced how I spend my time. I love going to community gatherings, and since my communities are largely kinky, the way I spend my time is certainly influenced by my kink.

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?

Let me count the ways.

The prompt says "unexpected," so I assume noting how much sexual gratification it has given me would be off-topic. But that's a huge part of it. All these fantasies I never thought could come true suddenly became the bread and butter of my sex life. I was surrounded by folks who considered bondage as commonplace in a bedroom as milk in coffee, and that has made all the difference. The strong sense of sexual shame I'd carried with me my whole life, knowing that I desired impossible, dark things, ebbed away.

I've also met more friends than I can count through these communities, and discovered more about myself than I'd ever have thought possible. Literally everything important about my life has been tinged, impacted, and steered by kink, even if the influence was indirect. I would not be the woman I am today if I'd never picked up that first crop, or let that first collar be buckled around my neck.

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

This sort of dovetails with Day 16, but I'll reiterate: being kinky, and especially being a submissive woman, doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. I respect myself, and I absolutely respect other women. I choose to submit, but that has no bearing on how I think women deserve to be treated in general. Since when do bedroom antics dictate politics? I do think it's important to examine where these desires come from, as we obviously don't exist in a vacuum, but fantasies are fantasies. My top will whip me until I cry, but he'd never lay a hand on a woman who didn't want to be hurt. In fact, the idea of accidentally crossing that boundary terrifies him (as well it should). My desires don't say anything about me. I'm kinky. So what?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?

The dominant men (and for some reason, it always seems to be dominant men) who assume they have the right to touch me or hit on me at a public event. It's especially rude when I'm wearing a collar, and clearly at the event with someone else. I swear, my partner can't leave me for even a minute without someone sidling over to "sneakily" stare at my chest and inquire about my kinks. I'm all for meeting new folks, especially kinky folks, but there's a clear line between chatting and hitting on someone. It would be nice to be able to go to a kink party without anyone crossing that line.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Being kinky has caused a fair amount of friction between me and my non-kinky friends. I've been accused of being anti-feminist and hypocritical, and had to defend the most basic parts of my identity. I was recently collared, and when I told my best friend, her reaction was incredulity, then disgust. She couldn't understand the appeal of it, and she was (and still is) convinced that it's demeaning to all women. It's incredibly frustrating to know that my closest friend doesn't accept such a core part of me.

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try

As much as role play turns me on, I've never played out my fondest fantasy: school girl and professor. I've been longing to try it out, but I'm not sure my top would be up for it. I suppose I should just ask, but it can be a little scary to suggest a scene. Anyways, I'd like to dress up in a short school girl skirt, topped off with a thin, white shirt and lacy white thigh-highs. In my fantasy, I've gotten a less-than-satisfactory grade, though I'm usually a straight-A student (I know, it's cliche, but hey, it's my fantasy and I can do what I want). My professor calls me into office hours, and tells me how bad I've been, and suggests a few ways to fix it. Over-the-knee spankings are most definitely involved, and the feel of his slacks on my bare thighs.

And now, I'm off to go suggest this to my top...

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?

In a word, the difference is, well, a word. A safe word, to be exact. In my fantasies, there's nothing I can do to stop a given situation. The torture, the captivity, and the pain are all very real, and I'm entirely powerless. In my real-life play, though, I always have a safe word. Mine is a simple "red," if you're curious. I can count the number of times I've safeworded on one hand, but in every scene, no matter how intense, I always know that I can use it. It's always in the back of my mind, often on the tip of my tongue.

Does it make it a little less hot for me? Perhaps. But there are plenty of delicious ways to play with boundaries within the parameters of a consensual scene. The safe word is just as much for my protection as for my dominant's, and my sadist, to whom I'm collared, tells me he could never play without one, and without the knowledge that a submissive is fully comfortable using it. It's nice to fantasize about a world in which I surrender completely, but in reality, it's comforting to know that my top would stop at any moment if I said the (safe) word.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you

How to put words to something so essential to my identity? What's the appeal of breathing? Eating? Sleeping? For me, it's a basic need, and when it isn't met, I'm not quite whole.

I crave that sweet moment of utter powerlessness, of knowing that no matter what I say or do, I have no say in what happens to me. I need the responsibility to rest on someone else's shoulders, if only for an hour or two. I need to be pushed to my limit, and beyond it. And after I'm beautifully broken, I need to be held and comforted, and told that everything is okay.

I don't find kink appealing. For me, it's a necessity.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.

A while back, I had a partner whose fetish was to come up with the most ridiculous scenarios possible, and make me enact them in public. Never a dull moment with that one.

The most bizarre situation was likely the incident of the Cone of Shame. I don't know how many of you have seen Up, the charming Disney-Pixar film, but there's a scene in which the adorable dog is wearing a plastic cone, the type veterinarians and groomers make pets wear to prevent biting at their wounds or flea medicine. Anyway, the dog says, "I do not like the cone of shame," in the most adorable dog-voice you can imagine.

My partner decided that at our next public play event, he'd force me to wear a plastic cone, and lead me around like a sad little puppy. As you might imagine, I wasn't especially keen on the idea. He threatened me with the prospect for weeks, and i was never quite sure if he was teasing or serious. As it turns out, he was entirely serious, and I spent an evening wearing the horrid cone. It didn't match my corset, or my heels, and it drew giggles, stares, and inquiries all night.

In retrospect? Fairly hilarious.

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

It's all about consent. Say it with me, nice and slow: con-sent. Even the most extreme actions are still completely ethical, if that magic ingredient of consent is present. Likewise, without consent, even sweet, vanilla sex is unethical assault without it.

My personal boundaries are perhaps a little broader than most. I live for edge play, pushing limits, pretending to fight back. But I believe kink is neither inherently ethical nor inherently unethical. Like any other action, it's all about the people involved.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

To my knowledge, I have but one hard limit.

No blood. Ever. In any capacity. Accidents happen, of course, and I've had a partner accidentally make me bleed, but that's the end of the scene, and I need some serious aftercare, aka chocolate and cuddles, afterwards.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy

"Hit Me Like a Man" by The Pretty Reckless is a gorgeous account of one woman's kinks. Give it a listen, and I think you'll see why I find it so erotic and compelling.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic

Don't mind if I do! Bondage, armbinder, and a spreader bar? Welcome to my kinky heaven.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

I've been eagerly awaiting this question, because when it comes to toys, I absolutely do play favorites. My Magic Wand is the best thing to ever happen to my sex life. I use it solo, with partners, and I've even leant it to a few (close) friends to try out over their panties. I know the intensity of a Magic Wand isn't for everyone, but for me, it's the surest way to reach orgasm, and an amazing addition to every kind of sex.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy

I think I've lost any objective ability to discern what's "weird" in the realm of kink. Is power play weird? Is it weird to want to give a partner a lap dance? I don't really know anymore.

The strangest one that comes to mind is a fantasy I've been toying with for quite some time. I'm kneeling at the feet of my dominant, and he orders me to lie with my cheek pressed against the cool floor. He takes a well-shined leather shoe and presses it into my face, hard enough to leave tiny indentations on my cheek, and tells me how worthless I am. He says he'll let me up if I kiss his shoe, and I have no choice but to obey.

Not exactly strange by kinky standards, but maybe a little odd? You tell me!

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?

Okay, I need to warn you, this is going to sound like something I made up for a good erotic story, but I swear on my Hitachi, this is entirely factual.

My first kinky experience was at a party with eight or so other kinky ladies, where we baked cupcakes, had a few jello shots, and hit each other with various kinky implements. I tried out my first rope harness, learned to wield a crop, and discovered just how hot a bound woman at my feet could make me.

All in all, not a bad first time.

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Oh, yes. The time I fashioned handcuffs out of printer paper and scotch tape comes to mind. Or perhaps all those sessions of "Houdini," in which a friend would tie me up, and I'd try to wriggle free. I secretly hoped that I wouldn't be able to break out of the binds, but alas, her ties weren't exactly Shibari status.

In the realm of less-subtle hints at kinky tendencies, I used to tie myself to the bedpost with a sock (yes, a sock, not a scarf. Perhaps I wasn't the brightest of kids) and fantasize about a cruel, powerful man who'd take me captive. How's that for a hint?