Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about

Hmmm. How about a snippet of my latest work in progress about my most recent punishment? It is, like most of my writing, based on a true experience with my dominant.

“I only have three rules. Just three.”

I glanced up from sucking his cock and tilted my head. Why the sudden lecture? Who stops a blowjob to talk about rules?

“One. What’s one, slut?”

“Um. Um, I—“

“What. Is. One.”

“Don’t be a cunt?”

“Mmhmm. And what’s two?”

“Nice mouths only.” I dipped my face back down to his rather lovely cock to give a quick demonstration.

“And I suppose you’re doing decently at that one. Aren’t you?”

I let his cock slide from between my lips. “I’m trying, sir.”

“I see that, whore.”

I put his cock back in my mouth and savored the taste of him, and the feel of that smooth hardness on my tongue.

“And what, my little toy, is the last rule?”

I stopped sucking and hung my head, because now I knew what this was about.

“You must be dumber than you look if you think taking your mouth off my cock is going to make things better for you. Don’t make me ask you twice.”

I lifted my chin and locked onto his dark eyes.

“No glitter.” It was barely a whisper.

“What was that?”

“No glitter. I’m not supposed to wear glitter, sir.”

“Oh. Yes, that’s right. Strange, because from where I’m standing, your face is sparkling like a goddamn vampire.”

“But real vampires don’t—“

“Really right now?”

“No, sir. I’m sorry sir, I’m really, really sorry.” And I was.

“I don’t think you’re sorry. I think you’re sorry that you’re in trouble. If you really cared about pleasing me, why would you break such a simple rule?”

Good question. 

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I've gone by many titles. Domme, Ma'am, submissive, top, bottom, and mistress, to name a few. My current title is "toy." I am my dominant's plaything, to own, loan, and do with as he wishes, so it seems fitting. I am also his submissive, and his property, but our "official" relationship (ha) is owner/toy.

I love titles. It makes me feel safe and cared for to know that I have this carved-out place with my top that a title indicates. Titles also turn me on like nothing else. When he calls me a "good toy" or a "good pet," I turn into a little puddle where Inara used to be. Nothing puts me in my place so quickly as a tug on my collar and a reminder that I'm his.

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

The most important piece of my kink attire is my collar. I'm only recently collared, so I'm still not used to the feel of the ever-present metal links locked around my neck. It's this wonderful reminder that what I have with my dominant is permanent, and always with me.

In terms of kinky costumes, you won't find a woman who loves to dress up more than I do. French maid, school girl, naughty secretary, exotic dancer, slutty teacher—you name it, I've probably got the outfit in the plastic box beneath my bed. Dressing up makes me feel beautiful, sensual, and wild, and I can tell it pleases my partners, which in turn makes me happy. My current favorite outfit is this pink, sparkly number (see the picture), because it makes me feel more confident in my body than anything else.

Inara's Favorite Outfit

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Absolutely. I've been known to write an erotic story or two (ahem), simply because putting words to my dirty thoughts makes me happy. I'll write a story for my dominant, and he gets to peek into what makes me wet, what makes me tick. Once, he even made me write a story as a punishment (don't ask).

I also love to sing, and I've written a few kink-centric songs over the years. Does that count? Let's just say that counts. Maybe I'll get up the courage to post them here someday.

Kink is such an essential part of me that it would be well near impossible to keep it from bleeding into my other interests, and vice-versa.

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

I don't really have an opinion on it, quite frankly, perhaps because I've never partaken myself. Sure, I've cybered, and sent plenty of kinky g-chats, but I've never played online with someone I didn't know in real life. It just doesn't hold any appeal for me. I don't have a problem with it, though. If online D/s makes you happy, the power to you. Just stay safe out there!

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Well that depends on the audience, doesn't it? With you guys, I'm about as open as a girl can possibly get. With certain friends, I'll tell just about anything that's on my kinky little mind. But with my parents, not so much. If I feel like people will "get" that kink doesn't equate abuse, I'm happy to open up about my proclivities, but if I sense judgement, I don't want to get into it. Even amongst kinky folks, some of my fetishes (rape play, for instance) are considered extreme, so I sometimes will hold back even with friends.

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Listed in order of personal importance to me:

1. Honesty. Without trust, a relationship is nothing. I want my partner to feel comfortable telling me absolutely anything. If I look fat in these jeans, I want to know about it. If I said something hurtful, or annoying, or uncomfortable, I want to know about that, too. And I need to know that every word that comes out of my partner's mouth is true.

2. Kindness. Basic human kindness sometimes feels like a lost art. Being a good person, in the most basic sense of the word, is one of the most important things we can do. I don't think I could ever be with someone who wasn't kind, at their core.

3. Intelligence. I need someone who can keep up an intelligent conversation with me, and challenge my ideas. I want an intellectual sparring partner just as must as I want someone who can wrestle me down in the bedroom.

What do you find important in a partner?

Small Miracle

I am holding my words in my hands. "Story Time," the page reads, "Inara Serene." Those are my words, printed, laid out on a page, and neatly justified. My thoughts, my fantasies, my experiences—they're set in ink now, and something about that is far too exciting and surreal to fully process. I never thought I'd see something I wrote with that special book formatting. You know, with the first letter of the chapter set in extra-large, bolded font.

I'm just going to take a moment to quietly celebrate how incredible it is that my story will (hopefully) turn on other people, and maybe even strike a chord of recognition in them. I get to share my kinks with anyone who happens to pick up this book, and that, to me, is a small miracle.

PS-if you're curious, the book in question is The Big Book of Submission, and it has 68 other short stories of kinky goodness.

My story in The Big Book of Submission

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Yes and no. I'm still a singer/songwriter. I still love books more than I can say, and feel more at home in a cafe than in a club.

But I've discovered that there's a whole world of kinky folks who gather together at munches and events, and that has definitely influenced how I spend my time. I love going to community gatherings, and since my communities are largely kinky, the way I spend my time is certainly influenced by my kink.

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I might get some flack for this from other kinky folks, but I honestly don't think vanilla relationships are all that different from kinky ones. The same basic underlying principle applies: communicate. Communicate until you're blue in the face, until you're sure your partner understands you, and then communicate some more. The same goes for monogamous and polyamorous folks, and anyone in between. If you have metamors (the lover of your lover), guess what? Communicate with them, too. If everyone simply talked to their partner more, and really listened to them too, the world would have a lot more happier couples.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Hands-down, not even a question, my favorite BDSM book is Dark Secret Love: A Story of Submission by Alison Tyler. It's like Ms. Tyler listened in on every one of my darkest fantasies, the ones I still don't dare to speak out loud, and wrote them down in the most beautiful prose you'll ever read. The characters are rich, the writing smooth like a really, really good shot of espresso (none of that Starbucks crap. You know the kind I mean), and the scenes are beyond delicious.

Lines from the book still echo in my mind, more than a year after I first read it. It's permanently eched on my consciousness, and I find myself fantasizing about chapters from the book as if they were my own desires. Because they are. Somehow this book managed to reflect the essence of why I submit, the essence of what D/s means for me. If you haven't read it, go pick up a copy. Right now. I'll wait.

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Honestly, there isn't much these days. I don't personally understand the appeal of every single kink, nor do I personally practice all of them, but none of them mystify me. Kinks aren't always something you can understand intellectually, especially when they aren't your own, and I'm okay with that.

I am perpetually curious about one thing: what do dom/mmes think about in a scene? I'm a switch, but so sub-leaning that I suspect my mindset is far different from my more dominant counterparts, and I'm aching to know what goes through my sadist's mind as he's beating me. Does he feel that same undeniable craving, that same ache that I feel when I've gone too long without submitting? Is it simply the other side of the same coin? Or is it something else entirely?

If you're a dom/mme, pretty please write me a comment, or shoot me an email. I'd love to know what's bouncing around in that beautiful mind of yours.

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?

Let me count the ways.

The prompt says "unexpected," so I assume noting how much sexual gratification it has given me would be off-topic. But that's a huge part of it. All these fantasies I never thought could come true suddenly became the bread and butter of my sex life. I was surrounded by folks who considered bondage as commonplace in a bedroom as milk in coffee, and that has made all the difference. The strong sense of sexual shame I'd carried with me my whole life, knowing that I desired impossible, dark things, ebbed away.

I've also met more friends than I can count through these communities, and discovered more about myself than I'd ever have thought possible. Literally everything important about my life has been tinged, impacted, and steered by kink, even if the influence was indirect. I would not be the woman I am today if I'd never picked up that first crop, or let that first collar be buckled around my neck.

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

This sort of dovetails with Day 16, but I'll reiterate: being kinky, and especially being a submissive woman, doesn't mean I'm not a feminist. I respect myself, and I absolutely respect other women. I choose to submit, but that has no bearing on how I think women deserve to be treated in general. Since when do bedroom antics dictate politics? I do think it's important to examine where these desires come from, as we obviously don't exist in a vacuum, but fantasies are fantasies. My top will whip me until I cry, but he'd never lay a hand on a woman who didn't want to be hurt. In fact, the idea of accidentally crossing that boundary terrifies him (as well it should). My desires don't say anything about me. I'm kinky. So what?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?

The dominant men (and for some reason, it always seems to be dominant men) who assume they have the right to touch me or hit on me at a public event. It's especially rude when I'm wearing a collar, and clearly at the event with someone else. I swear, my partner can't leave me for even a minute without someone sidling over to "sneakily" stare at my chest and inquire about my kinks. I'm all for meeting new folks, especially kinky folks, but there's a clear line between chatting and hitting on someone. It would be nice to be able to go to a kink party without anyone crossing that line.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Being kinky has caused a fair amount of friction between me and my non-kinky friends. I've been accused of being anti-feminist and hypocritical, and had to defend the most basic parts of my identity. I was recently collared, and when I told my best friend, her reaction was incredulity, then disgust. She couldn't understand the appeal of it, and she was (and still is) convinced that it's demeaning to all women. It's incredibly frustrating to know that my closest friend doesn't accept such a core part of me.

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try

As much as role play turns me on, I've never played out my fondest fantasy: school girl and professor. I've been longing to try it out, but I'm not sure my top would be up for it. I suppose I should just ask, but it can be a little scary to suggest a scene. Anyways, I'd like to dress up in a short school girl skirt, topped off with a thin, white shirt and lacy white thigh-highs. In my fantasy, I've gotten a less-than-satisfactory grade, though I'm usually a straight-A student (I know, it's cliche, but hey, it's my fantasy and I can do what I want). My professor calls me into office hours, and tells me how bad I've been, and suggests a few ways to fix it. Over-the-knee spankings are most definitely involved, and the feel of his slacks on my bare thighs.

And now, I'm off to go suggest this to my top...

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?

In a word, the difference is, well, a word. A safe word, to be exact. In my fantasies, there's nothing I can do to stop a given situation. The torture, the captivity, and the pain are all very real, and I'm entirely powerless. In my real-life play, though, I always have a safe word. Mine is a simple "red," if you're curious. I can count the number of times I've safeworded on one hand, but in every scene, no matter how intense, I always know that I can use it. It's always in the back of my mind, often on the tip of my tongue.

Does it make it a little less hot for me? Perhaps. But there are plenty of delicious ways to play with boundaries within the parameters of a consensual scene. The safe word is just as much for my protection as for my dominant's, and my sadist, to whom I'm collared, tells me he could never play without one, and without the knowledge that a submissive is fully comfortable using it. It's nice to fantasize about a world in which I surrender completely, but in reality, it's comforting to know that my top would stop at any moment if I said the (safe) word.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you

How to put words to something so essential to my identity? What's the appeal of breathing? Eating? Sleeping? For me, it's a basic need, and when it isn't met, I'm not quite whole.

I crave that sweet moment of utter powerlessness, of knowing that no matter what I say or do, I have no say in what happens to me. I need the responsibility to rest on someone else's shoulders, if only for an hour or two. I need to be pushed to my limit, and beyond it. And after I'm beautifully broken, I need to be held and comforted, and told that everything is okay.

I don't find kink appealing. For me, it's a necessity.

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.

A while back, I had a partner whose fetish was to come up with the most ridiculous scenarios possible, and make me enact them in public. Never a dull moment with that one.

The most bizarre situation was likely the incident of the Cone of Shame. I don't know how many of you have seen Up, the charming Disney-Pixar film, but there's a scene in which the adorable dog is wearing a plastic cone, the type veterinarians and groomers make pets wear to prevent biting at their wounds or flea medicine. Anyway, the dog says, "I do not like the cone of shame," in the most adorable dog-voice you can imagine.

My partner decided that at our next public play event, he'd force me to wear a plastic cone, and lead me around like a sad little puppy. As you might imagine, I wasn't especially keen on the idea. He threatened me with the prospect for weeks, and i was never quite sure if he was teasing or serious. As it turns out, he was entirely serious, and I spent an evening wearing the horrid cone. It didn't match my corset, or my heels, and it drew giggles, stares, and inquiries all night.

In retrospect? Fairly hilarious.

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

It's all about consent. Say it with me, nice and slow: con-sent. Even the most extreme actions are still completely ethical, if that magic ingredient of consent is present. Likewise, without consent, even sweet, vanilla sex is unethical assault without it.

My personal boundaries are perhaps a little broader than most. I live for edge play, pushing limits, pretending to fight back. But I believe kink is neither inherently ethical nor inherently unethical. Like any other action, it's all about the people involved.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

To my knowledge, I have but one hard limit.

No blood. Ever. In any capacity. Accidents happen, of course, and I've had a partner accidentally make me bleed, but that's the end of the scene, and I need some serious aftercare, aka chocolate and cuddles, afterwards.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy

"Hit Me Like a Man" by The Pretty Reckless is a gorgeous account of one woman's kinks. Give it a listen, and I think you'll see why I find it so erotic and compelling.

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic

Don't mind if I do! Bondage, armbinder, and a spreader bar? Welcome to my kinky heaven.