Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

I don't really have an opinion on it, quite frankly, perhaps because I've never partaken myself. Sure, I've cybered, and sent plenty of kinky g-chats, but I've never played online with someone I didn't know in real life. It just doesn't hold any appeal for me. I don't have a problem with it, though. If online D/s makes you happy, the power to you. Just stay safe out there!

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Well that depends on the audience, doesn't it? With you guys, I'm about as open as a girl can possibly get. With certain friends, I'll tell just about anything that's on my kinky little mind. But with my parents, not so much. If I feel like people will "get" that kink doesn't equate abuse, I'm happy to open up about my proclivities, but if I sense judgement, I don't want to get into it. Even amongst kinky folks, some of my fetishes (rape play, for instance) are considered extreme, so I sometimes will hold back even with friends.

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Listed in order of personal importance to me:

1. Honesty. Without trust, a relationship is nothing. I want my partner to feel comfortable telling me absolutely anything. If I look fat in these jeans, I want to know about it. If I said something hurtful, or annoying, or uncomfortable, I want to know about that, too. And I need to know that every word that comes out of my partner's mouth is true.

2. Kindness. Basic human kindness sometimes feels like a lost art. Being a good person, in the most basic sense of the word, is one of the most important things we can do. I don't think I could ever be with someone who wasn't kind, at their core.

3. Intelligence. I need someone who can keep up an intelligent conversation with me, and challenge my ideas. I want an intellectual sparring partner just as must as I want someone who can wrestle me down in the bedroom.

What do you find important in a partner?

Small Miracle

I am holding my words in my hands. "Story Time," the page reads, "Inara Serene." Those are my words, printed, laid out on a page, and neatly justified. My thoughts, my fantasies, my experiences—they're set in ink now, and something about that is far too exciting and surreal to fully process. I never thought I'd see something I wrote with that special book formatting. You know, with the first letter of the chapter set in extra-large, bolded font.

I'm just going to take a moment to quietly celebrate how incredible it is that my story will (hopefully) turn on other people, and maybe even strike a chord of recognition in them. I get to share my kinks with anyone who happens to pick up this book, and that, to me, is a small miracle.

PS-if you're curious, the book in question is The Big Book of Submission, and it has 68 other short stories of kinky goodness.

My story in The Big Book of Submission

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Yes and no. I'm still a singer/songwriter. I still love books more than I can say, and feel more at home in a cafe than in a club.

But I've discovered that there's a whole world of kinky folks who gather together at munches and events, and that has definitely influenced how I spend my time. I love going to community gatherings, and since my communities are largely kinky, the way I spend my time is certainly influenced by my kink.

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I might get some flack for this from other kinky folks, but I honestly don't think vanilla relationships are all that different from kinky ones. The same basic underlying principle applies: communicate. Communicate until you're blue in the face, until you're sure your partner understands you, and then communicate some more. The same goes for monogamous and polyamorous folks, and anyone in between. If you have metamors (the lover of your lover), guess what? Communicate with them, too. If everyone simply talked to their partner more, and really listened to them too, the world would have a lot more happier couples.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Hands-down, not even a question, my favorite BDSM book is Dark Secret Love: A Story of Submission by Alison Tyler. It's like Ms. Tyler listened in on every one of my darkest fantasies, the ones I still don't dare to speak out loud, and wrote them down in the most beautiful prose you'll ever read. The characters are rich, the writing smooth like a really, really good shot of espresso (none of that Starbucks crap. You know the kind I mean), and the scenes are beyond delicious.

Lines from the book still echo in my mind, more than a year after I first read it. It's permanently eched on my consciousness, and I find myself fantasizing about chapters from the book as if they were my own desires. Because they are. Somehow this book managed to reflect the essence of why I submit, the essence of what D/s means for me. If you haven't read it, go pick up a copy. Right now. I'll wait.